Dirty Little Secrets
by CrazyLaviFangirl
Summary: Takes place 2 years after *The Next Outsider*. Kim finally realizes what Ponyboy means to her, but can they be happy together or will her parents once again intervene in her happily ever after? OC X Ponyboy
1. Chapter 1: First Time In Forever

"Shut your mouth you cheating bastard!"

"Like you're one to talk, you two-timing whore!"

My parents are at it again. I always went to my room whenever they fought like this. I was writing in my diary, I didn't feel like getting up and calling Kaylyn, and she was probably still with Sodapop. I sighed unhappily, placing my diary by my side and leaning back against my pillow.

A picture from Kaylyn's wedding rested on my bedside table. There were actually a few of them. A picture of me an' Kaylyn hugging and smiling while holding the flowers, a picture of Sodapop and Kaylyn kissing at the altar, and a picture of me and Ponyboy. I sighed again. Ponyboy was the only guy I ever wanted to be with, and I just dumped like it was nothing. I had to, my parents didn't approve of me seein' a greaser, and I couldn't take the beatings anymore. I couldn't look him in the eye after that. I knew it hurt him, but I couldn't say anything or do anything about it.

"I'm sorry Ponyboy." I wanted to be happy so badly, maybe I lost sight of what was truly important. Ponyboy Curtis. Sweet and smart Ponyboy Curtis. My thoughts were broken when my father slammed open the door, denting the wall in the progress. He stood in the doorway, obviously drunk, and glared at me.

"I'm leaving." He growled out, taking another swig from his beer bottle. "I'll be back for you." I usually didn't take anything he said to me seriously, but now felt different. The way he said it, the way he turned away from me, and the way he left our home in such a noisy way. I could hear the car roar out of the drive way, hell, I even watched it disappear into a cloud of dust.

"Oh man, oh man," I was in a full blown panic. He did this all the time, but why was I taking it so seriously now? Ugh. I groaned, pacing back and forth. I wanted to call Kaylyn so badly, but I couldn't. I can't call her; I have to figure it out by myself. Phone, phone, phone!

"Hello? Kaylyn!" I held the phone close to my ear. "Kaylyn, Kaylyn, Kaylyn." I waited for her to reply before completely freaking out again. "He's going to take me away, I can't live here anymore!" I freaked out every once in awhile, but Kaylyn understood, I could actually talk to her.

"Kim, relax, you know he's bluffing..." Kaylyn tried to soothe my raging mind.

"He means it this time! He won't let me get away. He's going to beat me until I go with him and...and..." I sniffed, and I could hear Kaylyn sigh from the other side of the line.

"Kim, calm down. You need to sleep. I know you're scared, but you have to relax a little. Call me tomorrow, okay?" She replied. She sounded so tired. Maybe it was because she had to work and take care of her 3 month old daughter. And yet she still had some time for me.

"O-okay. I'll see ya tomorrow. I'm going to the park to think." I murmured. "I'll talk to you tomorrow." I hung up the phone after she did, slipping on my shoes and grabbing my jacket and walking down the steps. My mother was passed out on the couch, a bottle of beer hanging from her hand. I shook my head in disgust and left without looking back.

The park was only a mile from my house, and when I jogged, I got there in no time. A bench was free, so I sat down on it and looked at the sky. The sun was just beggining to set. I felt my muscles relax and I sighed, leaning back against the bench and closing my eyes.

"You shouldn't be out alone, you know." I jumped. "C'mon, Kim, you know better than that. "

"P-Ponyboy." He sat beside me on the bench, his hands in his jacket as he looked at the sun.

"Remember when we used to watch this together?" He asked quietly. I glanced over at him, blushing and turning away as he turned to look at me. He was still good-looking, and he had only gotten better lookin' over the years. He looked more mature now, but at the same time, he looked young. We were both older now, though, we had both change. Only I hadn't changed emotionally.

"Yeah, it was real pretty. So, I heard something was going on between you an' that Soc girl, Cherry was it?" I had heard some rumors, mostly from Dally and Two-Bit, about him and her have small crushes on each other. That pissed me off to no end, trust me. But I didn't think anything of it until now. I mean, I didn't know her, and me and Pony aren't even together anymore!

"Naw, me an' her can't ever go out. She's a Soc and I'm a greaser." Ponyboy replied. So, he would date her if he was a Soc or she was a greaser? It made me feel worse. It made me feel like he had only gone out with me because I was a greaser. I sighed, standing up and stuffing my hands in my pockets. I wasn't going to listen to this anymore. I didn't need to hear about the girls that constantly hit on him.

"Wait...Kim, I wanted to ask you somethin'?" Ponyboy stopped me, pulling me back and making me face him. My heart beat thirty miles per minute as I waited for him to say something, anything. "Um, I-I..." He suddenly got all shy again, making me nervous. What did he wanna ask? I was clueless. I knew what I wanted him to ask.

"Just say it so we can go our seperate ways and never talk again." I huffed. I didn't want to say that, but I knew I would get hurt if I said anything else. I didn't want to be here anymore, I didn't want to be near Ponyboy. He would only get hurt more, and so would I.

"Kim, why did we break up?" Okay, maybe I was expecting that, but it didn't stop tears from falling down my cheeks. I wasn't supposed to break down like this! I was tough, I had to show him I was tough, that I didn't need him around to feel good about myself. But I knew that was all a lie. He had been everything, he was one of the only people who could make me happy, and I threw that away because I was scared for my own life. I was so selfish.

"I-I had to..." I continued to cry, not fighting it any longer. Pony's hands rested on my shoulder, and I leaned forward, my arms wrapping around his chest. I was overwhelmed by a pain, the pain of leaving behind Ponyboy with no excuse, and now he was here, comforting me, when I wasn't there to comfort him when we broke up. This left me so confused and unhappy, I cried into his chest harder. He never moved away, he let me cry into his chest, softly stroking the back of my head as I cried. It had been awhile since I had let out my feelings, I guess it had really been stressing me out.

"I can't...do this anymore..." I sobbed into his chest. He pushed me away, wiping a few tears. "I didn't want to break up with you..." I stifled another cry of pain, covering my mouth and taking a step back.

"Then why did you?" Pony asked, and for the first time this night, I saw pain in his eyes. I hated this, I hated not telling him the truth, maybe today, with my father leaving, was a sign that I didn't have to be unhappy all the time.

"Because my dad. He hated you...I-I don't know why, but when I refused he beat me. He beat me everyday until I told him I broke up with you. He was watching us when I told you it was over...he slapped me after that, telling me was a fool for ever going out with you, then he went to fight with my mom. I couldn't take the beatings anymore...he pulled a knife on me, he used a beer bottle..." I began to cry again, falling to the ground and covering my face in shame. Ponyboy kneeled in front of me.

"You could've told me that, Kim," He whispered. "Why didn't you?"

"I was scared. I just didn't know about anything...I'm sorry, Pony..." I knew he forgave me by the way he helped me stand up, by the way he kissed me under the moonlight. My father was gone now, he wouldn't come and get me, I trusted Kaylyn to keep me safe. Ponyboy and me, well, we might get back together. We both have to think of the consequences, first.


	2. Chapter 2: I Can't help the Way I Feel

Ponyboy's lips were as soft as I had remembered them. I didn't want to leave the safety of his arms, but it was getting late, and if the both of us didn't leave soon, we'd get in trouble. I felt so many things, I was happy and sad at the same time. It didn't make any sense to me, it really annoyed me that a guy could make me think so much.

"We've gotta go, Kim. C'mon, I'll walk you home." His arm wrapped around my waist, and I let him guide me back to my house. The inside was dark, meaning my mother was sleeping or passed out. Pony leaned against the door. "Don't walk alone, Kim, it's real dangerous, and you ain't that tuff lookin'." I punched his chest playfully, still adding in some strength to show him I was serious.

"Don't you walk alone, then? Gosh, you tell me one thing and you don't do it yourself!" I exclaimed, crossing my arms.

"I'm meeting Two-Bit at the Dingo, he's gonna walk home with me." I sighed.

"Okay. Be safe." It had been such a long time since I had been in Ponyboy's presence; I guess I didn't want him to leave just yet. I wanted to talk to him a little longer, but I guess he had to get home. "I'll see ya later."

"Yeah." He leaned forward, placing a kiss on my lips before stuffing his hands in his pockets and walking away. I stood there, dazed, but with a smile. Maybe things would get a bit better now that me an' Ponyboy had made up. I sure hoped so, I need a bit of sunshine in my life.

"Ugh." I groaned as my alarm clock screamed in my ear for me to wake up. I unhappily slammed my hand against it, groaning tiredly and turning over. "I don't wanna go to school." I rolled over, burying my head in my pillow. What time had I come in last night? I knew I was out late, talking with Ponyboy, getting hugged by Ponyboy, getting kissed by Ponyboy...I sighed. Ponyboy was going to be at school... I pushed myself up, stretching.

"Mom's still drunk I bet, I'll have to walk today..." I walked over to my closet, looking through my closet to find the best thing to wear. I hadn't been this concerned about what I was going to wear since I...went out with Ponyboy. I frowned. He changed the way I thought, the way I felt about things, the way I wanted to dress, I don't know, he just changed everything. I grabbed a skirt and a sweater, quickly throwing it on and slipping on my shoes. I looked at the clock in my room, quickly brushing back my hair before picking up my book bag. I looked at myself in the mirror, sighing again before exiting my room.

My mother was still on the couch, a bottle of beer in her hand. She was softly snoring, her chest rising and falling slowly. I watched her for a few seconds, my frown increasing as I walked outside. The sun was shining brightly, showing it was time for school to start soon. I crossed my arms, my eyes glancing at the Curtis house. The door was open, as usual, but I smiled as Ponyboy walked out. Darry said something to him, Ponyboy looked annoyed and replied, and then he started to walk. I flushed. Did I really wanna walk with him after everything that had happened last night? What if he pretended in never happened? Man, I was beginning to act like a...like a...girl! What was it about Ponyboy that made me feel so weird. I just couldn't figure that out.

"Hey, Kim, what're you just standin' there for?" I jumped as a hand clapped on my shoulder. Christ! What made me so jumpy?

"P-Ponyboy..." I smiled weakly, "I-I'm sorry..." He laughed, giving me another one of those cute little smiles. It made me squirm a bit and turn away from him in embarrassment. I could tell that confused him, but honestly I felt like such a girl. Was I in love? I don't know. He was the first guy I've ever really loved, or felt I loved, but maybe I was just clinging to the first guy who showed any love or care for me, wasn't I? I didn't want to use Ponyboy like that. But I felt like he was more important to me than just that. This weird butterfly feeling I get whenever his name is even said, I don't know, it made me feel like I was just giving myself away. I didn't like that, I never wanted to feel so unprotected.

"C'mon, you're walkin' to school today, right?" Ponyboy asked, taking my bag from my shoulder. "We don't wanna be late, do we?" I flushed as he slung my bag over his shoulder, too, something he hadn't done in awhile. I guess missed that about him, too.

"You're right. Let's go..." He smiled at me, making that butterfly feeling I had early act up again. It felt so weird to be talking to him again, after about two years. As we walked, we did another thing that we hadn't done in awhile, we talked. I never realized how many things we had in common. I never realized how long it had been since we've talked about our family life, and about our siblings. I hadn't talked to someone that liked the same things as me for a long time. Pony's arm was wrapped around my shoulder, making me flush as some of my fellow classmates glanced at me. Oh god, I was gonna hear it from Justina and Mikayla.

He stopped at my locker, handing me my bag and standing with me for a few seconds. A few greasers passing by looked at Pony, murmured a good job, and walked away. That made me turn pink as I turned towards my locker and quickly entered the combination and took out my books. Pony's lockers was only a few down from mine. That made me wonder, how had I been so good at avoiding him? He even sat real close to me in English and Science. How could I have seen him, growing up and becoming more mature and handsome, and not have been able to pay attention or talk to him, or even give him a second glance. Was I that afraid of getting beat by my father, that I had blocked out the one person who had meant the world to me?

"I'm so confused." I rubbed my head, slamming my locker closed and walking over to Pony's. He was sorting through it, looking for his books. I laughed at him, earning myself a small smile. He finally found whatever he was looking for, stuffed it into his bag, and wrapped his arm around my shoulders and led me to class. Everyone kept looking at us, especially my friends that had been with me when I broke up with Ponyboy, but also when I was with him. They said we looked good together, even though in a lot of ways, our personalities clashed. Only they, my closet friends and the one girl I regarded as my sister, knew of my reputation in my old school as a fighter. I wasn't nice to people I didn't know, I didn't get good grades, and I was a generally dark and troubled teen. Not that Ponyboy's completely innocent, but when he didn't understand what popping someone's cherry meant, I knew he wasn't anything like most guys in this school were.

"I'll see ya later, Kim, I gotta do somethin' for Mrs. Hoffman this morning." Mrs. Hoffman was our English teacher. I hated her, and she hated me. She said one day my name was gonna be in the papers under the 'Most Unwanted' list. Yes, she didn't like me. Plus, I chewed gum in her class, talked back, and rarely did my homework on time. I kissed his cheek, making him blush and grin as he walked away towards the English room. I walked into my homeroom, with the Science teacher. Justina and Kelsey were waiting for me at my seat, and I knew as soon as I sat down, I was gonna get a lecture.

"Kimberly Ann Wingate! What's wrong with you? You said you were over him, ain't no way in HELL am I letting you make another mistake of giving him a second chance!" I flushed. She was acting like he had beaten me up, or cheated on me, or something real bad with him.

"C'mon, Justina, I broke up with him because I was afraid of what my dad would do to him!" I hissed quietly at her. I hoped she wouldn't make a scene in front of Ponyboy when he came in, I was trying to rekindle our friendship. He needed someone there for him besides his older brother, you know, like a good girl friend. Not that way, it would be awkward, but like in a way that I'm a girl, and just a friend. Yeah, with benefits and a lot more feelings than one should have for a simple 'friendship'.

"Mhm, don't make excuses, he's done something to you that made you break up with him, you can't do nothin' to make me believe otherwise." She pushed back her long, braided hair, putting her hands on her hips and glaring at me. Now, she's not a normal, African American, she was treated with respect because of the way she could insult someone so fast, they'd be left with whiplash. She's just that intimidating like that.

"Justina, shut up!" Of course, she never intimidated me, I wasn't one to get yelled at. In fact, I'm pretty sure she was pretty afraid of me. She told me about her dream she had a few days ago, where me and her were in a classroom, alone, and than a small black spider showed up on the black board. Apparently I pulled out a gun and started to shoot at the spider, and Justina woke up laughing like crazy. I laughed at that, it sounded like something I would do, after all. The door to the class swung open, and Ponyboy entered with a few of his friends. Justina glared at him, swinging her hips as she walked over to her seat. I smiled again, laughing as Pony looked nervously at Justina as he sat next to me. Boy, this day was going to be interesting.


	3. Chapter 3: Decision I Don't Wanna Make

"I don't think they like you much," I smiled at Ponyboy, who rubbed his head sheepishly. Justina's arms were crossed as she looked at Ponyboy, her lips pursed. Ponyboy sighed, nervously turning his head away from Justina. Kelsey was quiet this morning, twirling her hair childishly as she read over her homework. I always got my English homework from her, if I felt like handing it in on time. Mr. Roth, our science teacher, stood in front of the class, tapping a piece of chalk against the blackboard to get our attention. It didn't matter, once he started talking, everyone would go to sleep anyway.

"Pair up, now, we have an experiment with electricity to do." The room was in chaos as everyone rushed to get their friends for a partner. I didn't have to move this time, though, because I had gotten my partner back, and he was sitting right next me.

The experiment was on static electricity and how it was made. Each group was given a blown up balloon, and we were told to rub the balloon on our partners head. Of course, this experiment would only work if someone didn't have grease in their, and since I couldn't stand it when my hair was greasy, it was clean, thus making me the one with messed up hair. Pony got a thrill from rubbing my head with the balloon, I could tell from the way he laughed at me. Soon, most of the guys and only a few of the girls had messed up hair. The point was that wherever the balloon went, our hair followed because it had electrons or something in it. I dunno, I had a hot partner, I wasn't paying any attention to the teacher.

The day went on without anything real interesting happening. Me and Pony talked a lot during all the classes we had together, we caught up on what's been happening in our lives. Of course, my dad leaving was the most important in mine. In fact, I even told Ponyboy about how scared I was. I was scared because I knew he would come back for me. Ponyboy promised me he wouldn't let my dad hurt me, he wouldn't let him take me away. And I trusted him. I trusted him completely.

He told me all about what was going on at home now that Sodapop was gone. Darry had gone easier on Ponyboy, but at the same time, he was still very strict and wanted Pony to get work done. Ponyboy had, at first, been depressed when his big brother that he told all his problems to was gone, but he realized Kaylyn needed Sodapop to be there for her when she was pregnant. He couldn't keep calling and complaining about Darry to Soda, it just wasn't right. So he had learned to deal with Darry's speeches, he knew Darry really loved him no matter how different they were. They learned to leave together semi-peacefully. I was glad to hear that tensions had gone down in his house, because in my house things certainly hadn't.

I had two older sisters and one brother. My sisters names were Sarah and Christine, the first being 19, the second 25. My brother, Andrew, or Andy for short, was 28, and he still lived with us. All three of them lived under the same roof, and it was hell. I swear, they all thought that I shouldn't be there, when I was the only one who couldn't live on my own just yet. I wanted to tell them to get off their asses and get to work, buy themselves a car and house, and than they can move out and I can have peace for a few more years before I'm forced to move out.

"Ponyboy, you have track today, don't you?" I asked. He nodded at me, closing his locker as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. We walked out towards the football field where some greasers I knew and loved were hanging out.

"Heya Two-Bit!" I cheerfully waved at him. He grinned, walking over and pulling me from Pony's grip.

"Hey there, Kimmy, whatcha' doin' with that punk?" Ponyboy rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. I smiled. Boy, I hadn't talked to Two-Bit in a long time. He was wearing jeans, and his comboy boots. He also had on his orange Mickey Mouse shirt that Kaylyn and I had stolen for him.

"Aw, shut it Two-Bit." Pony crossed his arms. "I'll see you later, Kim, stay safe, alright?" I smiled at him, nodding and hugging him tightly. It was pure bliss to be in Pony's arms, it felt good to relax in his arms again. Pony quickly pecked my forehead without any of the greasers seeing, before letting me go.

"I'll walk 'er home, Pone." Pony's eyes kind of lit up.

"Will ya, buddy, that'd mean a lot to me?" It sounded like something else besides Two-Bit walking me home was about to go on.

"Sure, sure. Let's go Kimmy," Two-Bit pushed me forward, away from Ponyboy, and towards the road that led home.

"Soooo, are you and Pone back together yet? 'Cause he's crazy 'bout ya. Man, he can never shut up about how much he misses you." Ah, I see his game. That was how Steve was with Kaylyn, telling her that Sodapop loved her a lot more than Sandy and things like that. I guess Two-Bit was Pony's double agent. Ugh.

"Naw, we ain't. We're just beginning to talk again, you know, don't wanna rush things..." I murmured. I did wanna rush things. I wanted to have a good reason to kiss Ponyboy, to hug him, to be around him every moment of the day, people would find it weird if we weren't going out or something. I brushed my hair back, thoughtfully tapping my chin. "Things between us are gonna be awkward, Two-Bit." He grinned.

"It didn't seem to awkard back there when he kissed you, did it?" I let out a gasp, slapping a hand over my mouth before turning away. He saw? "I'm stupid, not blind." I laughed.

"Okay, okay. I can't tell you if I still have feelings for him, 'cause than you'd tell Kaylyn, and she'd call me and start freaking out, and being crazy and things. She's like that."

"Ha, I'm sure Kaylyn already knows that you're still in love with him." Two-Bit stuck his hands in his pockets. "It's real hard to get a secret past her, and since I could figure it, she's probably known for a long time."

"Aw, shut it, please?" I begged. My defense was getting weaker. I was ready to scream in his face that I loved Ponyboy Michael Curtis and I was proud of it. Maybe she did know, but she didn't say anything to me about just going to him. I sighed. I really needed to talk to her.

"Here's your house. Are you gonna be okay?" The house was silent. That means Mom wasn't home, which meant I didn't have to whisper when I talked to Kaylyn.

"I'll be fine. Thanks, Two-Bit." He smiled at me, ruffling my hair.

"Remember, kid, he's in love with you, so don't lead him on if you're not interested." I nodded. He was right. Did I want a relationship with Ponyboy? Would it work between us again? Ugh, so many questions. I watched Two-Bit walk towards the school before entering my home. It felt so different without my dad and mom in it. Peaceful. Safe. Comfortable. Loving.

"Wow, I haven't been alone in a long time..." I closed the door, pulling it shut tight before running over the phone. I dialed her number, putting the phone to my ear and waiting for her to answer.

"Hello?"

"KAYLYN!" I shouted accidently, and I could just see her cringing away from the phone.

"Hey, Kim. What's up?"

"IKISSEDPONYBOYYESTERDAY!" I screamed into the phone so fast I could hardly understand what I had said, but Kaylyn always could understand my mini freak-outs.

"You guys kissed? Kim, don't lead him on." Man, she got down to things quick.

"Well, that's the thing." I was toning it down a little bit. "I love him. A lot. I mean, all day I was with him, and I felt so happy. I don't know if I want to go back out with him, I mean, things will be awkward, won't they?"

"No." Blunt as always.

"But, I'm just scared. And it's only been a day."

"That's why if you want a relationship you'd have to act now. Otherwise, tell him you don't like him like that." Kaylyn's voice was in a monotone, and in the background I heard a little whining sound. Lise. "I gotta go- SODAPOP LISE'S GOT YOUR DX UNIFORM!" I grinned.

"Alright. You're gonna come down soon to see us, right?" I smiled.

"'Course I am. Me, Sodapop, an' Lise." I nodded.

"Then I'll see you soon." I was about to hang up the phone when Kaylyn called out to me.

"You've gotta decide on whether or not you love him. It might be hard, but you gotta do it."

_'Kaylyn, come onnnn, me an' Lise wannna go get ice cream!'_ I smiled at hearing Sodapop's voice. He was still adorably chilidish, I guess Kaylyn was really happy with him. She giggled from the other end of the phone.

"I'll decide, I promise. See ya..." She hung up, as did I. Now I had some serious thinking to do. Was I going to go out with Ponyboy again, or was the spark between us really gone?


	4. Chapter 4: The Worst Has Happened

I threw my bag down and ran upstairs to my room to lie down on my bed. I cuddled into the warm, silky forest green blanket, letting the material wrap around me. I was so tired today, and I just couldn't figure out why. Maybe it was because I had to make a decision and I wanted to blow it off. I had loved Ponyboy a lot, but we had been forced to break-up because of my parents' disapproval. That one choice would never leave me; it would haunt me forever, seeing his crestfallen face when I said we were done. They still wouldn't approve of me going out with a greaser, even if I was a greaser myself. They were just impossible. They didn't care about me at all; I was just some mistake that they can't get rid of.

"Man, I really don't wanna chose." I sighed softly, brushing back my hair as I looked up. The phone began to ring, and lazily I reached over to my bedside table and grabbed it. "Hello?" I held the phone to my ear, waiting.

"Hello, this is Milo from the lawyer's office. May I speak to Mrs. Janet Liz Wingate?" I blank twice, glancing at the phone. Mom contacting a lawyer? Not unless they were old boyfriends. She would never do that, she hates lawyers and everyone like that.

"Umm, sorry she ain't here." I stuttered. "I can take a message." My lip began to quiver.

"Okay, tell her she must call me back, she's being sued for the custody of her child, Kimberly Ann Wingate, by Mr. Joseph Anthony Wingate. Thank you for your time. Have a nice day, goodbye." I dropped the phone, letting it clatter to the floor. My mouth was open slightly as I thought about everything I had just heard. Damn it! I was going to cry, big time. I could just feel the tears getting ready to fall. Suddenly, the tears let loose, slipping down my cheeks and onto my bed sheets. The phone began ringing again, but I refused to answer it. It rang a few more times before my house was silent again. It started ringing again.

"H-Hello?" I decided to answer this time, since the person on the other end obviously needed me. My mother could've been put in the hospital again, she could even be dead. But when I think about it, maybe that would've been in my best interest. I couldn't hold back a pathetic sob as the person on the other end answered.

"Heya Kim. What's wrong?" My stomach churned uncomfortably, my muscles tensed, my cheeks turned pink, my heartbeat increased, and the whole world just slowed down. I got this weird airy feeling in my stomach. You know, that nervous feeling you get whenever you're around the one person you feel like knows you best, the one who knows all about you and shares your interests.

"Can you come over for me Ponyboy? I don't wanna be alone right now, please…" I bet I sounded real pathetic right then and there. I couldn't help it, I was more than upset. He was going to take me away to God knows where, and he was worse than my mom. At least I knew my mom cared about me. I sniffled, wiping my eyes.

"I'll be right over." Good ol' Ponyboy, coming to my rescue again, like all fairytales. I knew I had made my decision right then and there, and there was no way in hell I could deny it anymore. I was in love with Ponyboy Curtis.


	5. Chapter 5: Innocence Lost

I waited out front on the porch, sitting on the porch swing my dad had installed a few months ago as I waited for Ponyboy. I wiped my eyes of any stray tears, and wiping away the make-up that was running down my cheeks. I nearly jumped when I saw Pony and Two-Bit running towards the house. Whenever I saw Ponyboy It feels like I'm going to drop to my knees, like there's no one else in the room but us, and then I'd reach out and hug him, knowing he loved me too, and then my dream would be destroyed as I realized we couldn't stand together forever.

Pony ran up the steps, and as I stood up, I nearly ran into his arms. He got here really quick didn't he? It kind of reminded me of the time Kaylyn's water broke and Darry had to rush her to the Hospital. When we called Soda down at the DX and told him, he ran to the Hospital himself and arrived right on time. I don't know why I kept comparing myself to Kaylyn, or why I compare my relationship with Pony to Kaylyn's with Sodapop. Ours was completely different. We weren't meant to be like they were, it just didn't seem that way.

"He called a lawyer and everything; he's really going to take me away for real this time!" I sobbed into Pony's chest. Ponyboy's hand rested on the back of my head as he silently tried to soothe me. "I don't want to leave…I just can't leave…" Two-Bit had wandered away somewhere, probably into my house so me and Pony could be alone for awhile. I cuddled into Pony's arms, my grip not loosening on his shoulders. Ponyboy didn't seem to mind too much.

"C'mon, Kim, it's freezing out here. We don't want you to catch a cold, and I wouldn't fancy catchin' one either," Pony led me inside, never releasing me from his warmth as he guided me to the couch. He sat beside me, letting me lean against him as another wave of depression hit me like a train. Fresh tears began to slip down my cheeks, and I began to sob into my hands. I think Pony panicked a little bit, because he kind of flailed by my side for a second.

"I don't wanna leave!" I cried out, "I don't wanna leave, I don't wanna!" Ponyboy shook his head, his arms wrapping around me as he pulled me as close as he could to him.

"Kim…" He murmured into my ear. "Want to know a secret?" I sniffed, wiping my eyes and looking up at him.

"Yes…" I nodded, "I do."

"I love you." Pony's lips slid against mine softly, I let out a surprised squeak before I leaned forward. That weird feeling in my stomach started again, but this time it had an airier feel to it. I don't know how to exactly describe what I felt, but I can tell you, I enjoyed it. Ponyboy's hand was on my cheek now, his thumb drawing circles around my cheek bone. I shivered, letting out a soft moan as his…bottom part pushed against mine. I swear I felt something hard down there, but I wasn't about to question anything while I felt so good. Ponyboy pulled away from lips, kissed my cheek and made a trail of kisses down to my neck. I shivered again, pressing myself against Ponyboy. He groaned softly, rubbing again me again.

"P-Pony…" I stuttered. He pushed me down gently, so that he now had total control over me, not that he didn't before. I stared into his deep blue-green eyes, panting quietly. Pony looked slightly un comfortable, I was curious as to why, but when I looked down, I understood immediately. "Y-y-you're ha-hard…" He smiled, looking down.

"Guess I am…s-sorry." He murmured, standing up and trying to cover it. Let's see, Kaylyn told me about this. When a guy got hard, that meant that he was horny for you. But I couldn't have sex, I mean, it's not that I wasn't ready, well maybe it was, it was just that I was nervous how could I even imply I wanted to see his…thing. I mean, I had always been curious about it, which I had confided to a few people, including Kaylyn, which sent her off on a rant about guys and why I wasn't innocent and things like that.

"Wait…" I stood up, quickly walking over to him and stopping him from walking out the door. Ponyboy covered himself abruptly.

"Ah, Kim, this is kind of painful…" Pony groaned and moved his legs unhappily. Well, it was now or never, I might as well sneak a small glance at it.

"Stay there." I murmured, slowly sinking to the floor and kneeling. I tugged at the sides of his pants, softly tugging them down, revealing the underwear, and noting the bulge that was in his pants. I let out a soft gasp as Pony moved from above me. "Don't move." I let go of his pants, taking a deep breath, and pulling down his underwear at last. Ponyboy bit his lip; I could tell he was watching me to see what I could do. Well, it definitely didn't look average, I mean, it was bigger than average, or I think it was. Not that I had ever seen one before.

"Uh, Kim, we can't do this here-Ah!" I couldn't believe what I just did, I actually…licked it. It made me feel dirty and weird, but if this was what Kaylyn did for Soda, was it so wrong for me to do this for Pony? I grabbed it; I guess I was too shy to say P-p…his thing. I put it in my mouth, softly sucking on it, kind of like a lollipop. Ponyboy let out a loud moan, his hand rested on the back of my head, gently pushing me forward. I was blushing as I moved my head back and forth on Pony's thing, I had this weird knot in my stomach and another weird feeling down there whenever I heard Ponyboy moan. I don't know, I guess he was just that sexy. I closed my eyes, cupping his balls, as I sucked him off some more.

"K-Kim!" Pony stiffened for a second, and as I pulled away, some white liquid-like substance fell on my face. I squeaked, glancing at the white stuff before putting it in my mouth. It wasn't that good, it was pretty salty, but I liked the taste. I stood up, helping Ponyboy put his pants back on and everything. He seemed a little tired as I hugged him again. "Kim…that's not…Darry's gonna kill me, so is Kaylyn…" Pony let out a groan of annoyance. I smiled.

"We don't have to tell them," I murmured into his ear, "It'll be our dirty little secret."


	6. Chapter 6: Worrisome Thoughts

It was about a month later when Kaylyn, Sodapop, and Lise came down to visit for Christmas. Things between me and Pony hadn't changed much. People thought we were going out, so we let them think what they wanted. Pony wanted things to stay the way they were for now, I agreed, it was better this way. Anyway, back to Christmas.

Kaylyn and Soda went their separate ways, she came to my house, Soda and Lise stayed at the Curtis'. She said she would bring Lise by later. I was kind of afraid I would blurt out to her about the thing that happened between me and Ponyboy, but I surprised myself when I kept my mouth shut. This must've surprised Kaylyn a lot, because she gave me weird looks all night. I was so used to telling her all my problems; she must've thought I changed a lot because of how quiet I was being. I couldn't keep a secret like that.

"Um, so, what's it like being married and all?" I asked curiously, with a small smile. Kaylyn seemed to buy it for a second.

"You never can rest. I have Sodapop and Lise to take care of. I swear, he can be such a child sometimes, but the random things he does for me are so…sweet and welcomed. I dunno what it was like being married, I still don't really know now, but I'm happy." She sighed happily, taking a sip from her soda.

"I wish I had your life. Being married to the perfect man and all…" Kaylyn gave me a weird look.

"It's not all cheese and crackers, you know?" I raised an eyebrow at the weird statement, "Sorry, watching too much Mickey Mouse. Anyway, it's not easy. You know how many bills we have? Soda works at a gas station and I can't work until Lise is a little bit older. We barely have any food around and I'm…surprised that I we were even having Christmas this year." That surprised me a lot. Kaylyn had always made it through life easily, I dunno, it just seemed unnatural for either of them to have problems.

"Why don't we go over to the Curtis' house?" I laughed at Kaylyn's oddly happy face.

"Yeah, okay. Let's go."

It sucks walking in the snow; we were both freezing by the time we got to the Curtis' house. The guys were all there, sitting around and watching T.V. I could see Pony in the kitchen with Darry cooking. Two-Bit was guzzling down some beer, not surprising me one bit, while Steve and Soda were arm wrestling. Lise was sitting beside Johnny on the couch, playing with his hair and gurgling happily. Kaylyn went towards her husband, leaning down and kissing his cheek, distracting him and making Steve win.

"Hooboy, Sodapop, looks like you lost again!" Steve laughed.

"Hey, at least he has a woman." Kaylyn leaned down again, kissing Soda full on the lips, making me inhale sharply. That didn't just remind me of Ponyboy at all, not at all. I was thinking about going into the kitchen and talking to Pony, but Darry was in there, and I was just never comfortable around him. He was too serious; he never had time for fun. It was a problem that, I dunno, just made him less attractive to me. I mean, muscles, hell yeah, who doesn't like that, but he was too down to earth, he was too uptight.

I decided it was better than being jealous of Kaylyn and Soda, so I slipped into the kitchen unnoticed. I almost cracked up when I saw Ponyboy. He was wearing an apron, not a normal, plain white apron, but a frilly little pink thing with flowers on it. _Flowers_. Ponyboy hadn't noticed me yet, he was too busy _baking_ something. Darry was in another part of the Kitchen, scrubbing the table with a washrag. Neither of them noticed me.

"Pony, be sure to get it out of the oven a bit before it rings, you know it over cooks things." Darry stated, looking up at Ponyboy. He still hadn't seen me. Ponyboy sighed.  
"I know, Darry, I've got it under control."

"Wait, don't you have a 'B' in Home Economics?" I asked, making both, and I mean BOTH guys jump up in surprise. Ponyboy turned to me, his beautiful hazel eyes bore into my brown ones, and suddenly he looked away. He was pink now, and Darry was holding his chest.

"Damn, Kim, you scared me good. Watch it little girl."  
"Oh, I only meant to scare Ponyboy, sorry Darry." I giggled as he shook his head again and went back to washing the table. Ponyboy worked fast to take off the apron, but I had already seen it. I walked to the oven to watch the cake with him. Pony smiled at me.

"Uh, hey Kim, what're you doing here?"

"Oh, well." I started, not expecting this question, "Kaylyn couldn't bare being away from Sodapop for another second, so we came here to hang out." Sodapop chose that second to walk in the kitchen with Lise in his arms, and an empty bottle in her mouth. This was the first time I had ever seen Lise.

She looked a lot like Sodapop. Big, dark blue eyes and cute, chubby cheeks. She had long eyelashes, soft pink lips, and curly golden brown hair, like Kaylyn. Soda refilled the bottle with milk, placing it in Lise's mouth before walking out. Wow. Lise was what I would call, a beautiful baby, who had two beautiful parents. I wanted a baby.  
I don't know where that thought came from. It was just, a spur of the moment thing that I thought about, but I wondered what my baby would look like. Would she have my looks, or Pony's- Wait. What was I thinking. Me an' Ponyboy, it just wasn't going to happen.

I was afraid to get into a relationship again, I mean Ponyboy, he was so sweet, caring, and smart, but he had a future. I wasn't so smart, I had no real future but to get pregnant and have a family. I was so surprised that Kaylyn got married, she had a bright future too, but she's making the best of it.

I didn't want to think, I wanted to enjoy myself tonight. And I would.


End file.
